Learning from Nirbhaya 
 

Being so close to home, India is a place for inspiration and guidance for most Sri Lankans, be it through the powerful influence of Bollywood, India’s many fine higher education institutions, its dynamic business world or the cultural and social ties shared. Yet, none of them mattered in the face of the horrific incident that should ideally transform the way one of the world’s largest democracies treats its women.
 

According to police reports, a rape occurs so often in New Delhi that it is taken for granted and the perpetrators almost always go unpunished. This, in a land that gave the world Buddhism, the home to some of the world’s greatest sages and a culture so rich and decorated, that worships female goddesses and also gave the world one of the first female leaders, Indira Gandhi. 
 

But to the credit of the Indian women, they came out in their numbers, accompanied by men who also wanted to make a difference – there’s hope for future generations of women as the government, under public pressure, is seeking to change laws to deal better with rape as a crime.
 

But what are the lessons that the unnamed medical student who fought firstly her attackers and then multiple infections until she could fight no more, aptly named Nirbhaya by the Indian Prime Minister teach the rest of us? How many of us would take crimes committed against women seriously enough to ask for change? The situation in Sri Lanka is no better – not even an old woman can walk on the roads without being sexually molested, at least becoming subject to sexually insulting comments.
 

Changing attitudes and law   
 

What Indian and Sri Lankan men – and perhaps men of the entire region – need is to change attitudes towards women, towards respecting women and not merely seeing them as objects. Whether in the work place, the home, the school or the streets, men need to change attitudes in a way that will not merely see women as objects of sexual attention. A good place to start at is home. Mothers could herald such change in for their sons. Especially mothers of our generation and the generations afterwards, who chose to go to work or engage in a business, giving their sons fine role models as women who could get things done. 
 

It is important to teach our sons to respect women, accept them as partners, friends, co-workers and colleagues without seeing them as mere objects for sex. I personally believe change must start with us women as mothers. Change can only come with what children learn at home. Changing attitudes is as important as changing laws. In India, where they abort female babies so much that gender demographics have changed, they need to change attitudes towards women. With so many women going to work and with a large urban population of women, change can and must happen for future generations to be able to feel safe and secure.



In the office, if sexual harassment is tolerated, it is a crime. At home, if incest or abuse that sometimes goes on for years unnoticed and tolerated, it is a crime. On the streets, or on public transport, if women are groped or abused, it is a crime. There are laws that deal with such crimes. It takes courage and confidence for victims to come forward and take a stand – they need the support and encouragement from law enforcement officers and the public at large.

 

Dealing with sexual issues 
 

Recent reports show that Sri Lankans topped the list in searching for sex on Google. Our society is still in somewhat of a backward mode when it comes to dealing with sexual issues in the open. Everything is under a shroud and is not discussed – no sex please we are Sri Lankans seems to be the attitude but the statistics tell a different story. 
 

On the other hand, mental health has become a key issue for discussion. A doctor who treats patients for mental health recently shared how that too needs a change of attitude because so many people need help in that area. There are obviously deep-seated attitudes that need to change in order for rape and other sexual crimes to be dealt with in an ideal manner.
 

While our cultural heritage, which we share with India and our much valued, Eastern outlook on life is important, we need to find room for change that comes with time. We have to address issues such as incest, rape, sexual harassment in the work place and in public, sexual issues that lead men to commit such crimes. We need to bring mental health to a larger public forum and find ways of dealing with such issues before all of it explodes and leaves us wondering what happened.
 

The legacy India’s daughter leaves us all is one of hope and change. India needs to transform her death into one of meaningful action and hope for all of us. Nirbhaya, may you truly be a daughter of South Asia, a beacon of hope for all of us in heralding in that change!

May 2013 be a year of hope and blessing for all of us!
 

(Nayomini, a senior journalist, writer and a PR professional can be contacted at nayominiweerasooriya@gmail.com)