Can we learn to be good parents?

18 February 2014 08:25 pm Views - 1653

A skilled artist knows to integrate the numerous elements of art in his ardency to bring forth a most beautiful and awe inspiring work to the joy of many souls. It is beyond any doubt that a picture in which beauty is accomplished amounts to a glory that felicitates the spirits of both the artist and its beholder to their very cores. A child is a living work of art which would one day reflect to the world a colossal measure of the parental influence they have received during childhood. All parents are therefore artists, with no less than the responsibility of a whole future and the command of choice and power in their hands to create a cycle of beauty or pain for the generations to come.

"On close observation however, we see that both the busy parent and the child are caught in a delusion where the parent concludes the child wants more entertainment and the child concludes entertainment is all that there is to want. This turns out to be no less than an unending cycle that amputates some of the core emotional values in children and as a result"

“Like any other, parenting is a skill and all skills can be learnt and improved” says Dr.Shavindra Dias. “Learning a skill, is not only about learning how to do something but it has a wider impact; sometimes it changes people’s attitudes. This happens when people start to appreciate what’s happening and internalise the dynamics of those skills” he added.

Bringing to the discussion the general aspects of modern parenting, Dr.Dias added his own experience. “When I ask someone for their opinion on becoming a good parent, most of them seem to give the same answer. They say I am treating my child in the same way my parents treated me. The issue here is that they don’t realise how much the external environment has changed from what it was back then. Back in those days, we didn’t have tvs, computers, cell phones or Facebook and we had a very dynamic environment rich with strong social relationships. There was always a good support system. If you take a look at the current environment, you see trends like parents leaving their children with nannies, sometimes for years away from the child as they migrate for work. The time they don’t have for the child, they try to substitute with money and goods.  Therefore it is very important for the parents to ask themselves whether they are truly being good parents.”

 

"Dr. Dias also said it is very important for the parents to understand how many stakeholders are interested in their children. The school drug dealer, the pervert, the Facebook and the internet, pornography, sports and hobbies and religion are only a few such examples. “The parents should understand that the children are unable to pick from these options. Children need the help of their parents in making these decisions"

There is a vicious cycle in which many modern parents and children get caught. No child ever seems displeased by a pleasant gift or a handsome allowance. On close observation however, we see that both the busy parent and the child are caught in a delusion where the parent concludes the child wants more entertainment and the child concludes entertainment is all that there is to want. This turns out to be no less than an unending cycle that amputates some of the core emotional values in children and as a result, in the whole of society, the natural need for love and affection turns into an emptiness that children try to fulfil with wrong desires throughout their lives.

Dr. Dias pointed out the three general types of parenting. “Authoritarian (a parents-know-best approach that emphasises obedience); permissive (which provides few behavioural guidelines because parents don’t want to upset their children); and authoritative (which blends a caring tone with structure and consistent limit-setting).”
Further elaborating, Dr. Dias added some key points on each type of parenting, “The authoritarian is controlling and strict, even though the child may seem very organised and disciplined, the child’s behaviour is mostly based on fear. The permissive parents are pretty much the opposite. There are no limits, no boundaries and they do not hesitate in giving anything to the child. The children are free to discuss even their love lives and more with the parents and the parents seem to know the in and out about them. The children however face difficulty obeying rules and they tend to get their way all the time which then leads to some grave issues. The authoritative parenting is a blend of the better sides of the previous parenting types. Here the parent has important dialogues with the child. There are rules, and if a child should breach a rule, the parent would discuss the problem with the child and sometimes one forgives and forgets. The parent could then work on a scaffolding set of rules that may help the child to understand and acknowledge the faults. A good example would be a mother asking the child to do the plates tomorrow.”
Dr. Dias also said it is very important for the parents to understand how many stakeholders are interested in their children. The school drug dealer, the pervert, the Facebook and the internet, pornography, sports and hobbies and religion are only a few such examples. “The parents should understand that the children are unable to pick from these options. Children need the help of their parents in making these decisions. There are plenty of websites, relatives that would want to give information to the child. If the parents are not careful, the children could make some terrible mistakes. The modern society is different and there are more chances for the children to go astray. Parents who think that it would still be the best to look after their children the same way their parents did, should understand this difference. They should start regarding parenting rather scientifically. That’s the importance of parental clinics and where there are professionals who are ready to provide the parents with the right information for their obscure problems that requires pragmatic solutions. ”

In life, there is both love and the law. It is only the perfect love that has the power to sustain and fulfil the law. The will of a child is frail and he or she needs the loving guidance of the parents to grow up into a beautiful adult. Dear parents, there is only one question that remains now to be asked. Are you painting a beautiful child?