26 November 2022 06:01 am Views - 2103
She is courageous, disciplined, benevolent and empathetic. She is an inspirational young power woman with a heart of gold; her mission in life is to help and empower as many women and children as she can. She helps the needy, feeds the poor, spends time counseling troubled youth, helps women deal with personal tragedy and trauma, and she will extend her hand in support to anyone in need. The world would certainly be a better place if there were many more like her; Sasha Wickremaratne Jayamaha.
Who is Sasha Wickremaratne Jayamaha? What experiences in life has shaped her as an individual?
One of my most distinct memories as a little girl is sitting on my grandma's bed while she reads her bible. I would put my head on her lap, so she can rub my head whilst she reads, and I would quietly listen. At times it would be biblical stories, and at times she would share tales from her childhood; we would spend endless hours engaged in deep conversation. Losing my grandma, Susanne Wickramaratne, was probably the hardest thing I have had to manage growing up. She was my best friend and my go-to-person. With her loss I had to find my own feet and become my own person. My story begins with her because she made time for me, she listened to me, chose to understand me, and never judged me. Her love was like that of the bible she read, unconditional and pure. My father is a lot like his mother and as a person that shaped me because he understood my failures and successes. I had good grounding and lots of love to come home to. A father who devotes time to his daughter is quite impactful and powerful; he equips her to take on the world and she walks into the world with a lot more security and reassurance. My dad would make time for everything, he attended every singing competition, every sports match, and almost all school pick ups and drop offs were done by him. Even if I told him not to attend an event, he would come, and I would spot him in the audience trying his best to hide. My mum too played a significant role, she was different to dad, she studied Law and completed her Attorney’s. She was very passionate about assisting those in need. Coming from a home with one parent who is Sinhalese and the other Tamil, especially during times of war was a unique experience; there was a great push by both to just step out of my comfort zone and serve those in need from both sides.
I recall when the war ended, I flew down from university and from the airport itself my parents drove straight to Jaffna to assist in the IDP Camps. Even as a child, I would spend weekends at Feeding Centers which my grandma, Susanne managed from Mattakuliya to Anuradhapura. My family never calculated costs when it came to assisting someone in need. In 2012, I moved to Puthukudirupu for a short stint and worked as a teacher. I took this role up as I was keen to understand the land my maternal grandfather grew up in. I wanted to connect with my own Tamil roots as I knew so little. These experiences shaped me as a young girl and connected me to my island home in a unique way which is essentially what Kiribath Publishers also aims to present, a celebration of the wonderful, warm, kind nature of our beautiful island home. Another important factor growing up, was the level of independence and freedom my parents allowed me to have. I recall even when I moved to Durham for university, they never accompanied me and instead trusted me, as a responsible eighteen-year-old to go settle myself in. They taught me to be independent but depend on God which is probably the most important life lesson one can pass on to their children. Although, I was an only child, my parents never smothered me or spoilt me. They taught me the value of money, taught me how to rough it out and carve my own niche in the world without depending on anyone else. I was twenty-five when I had my son, my first born. I didn't know what I was doing. I opted to doing everything by myself. I didn't want a nanny or anyone else managing my baby. I quite enjoy being thrown into deep waters and figuring out how to swim. My son changed me as a person. Prior to his birth, I had experienced a very traumatic miscarriage, and this changed my entire view on children. I understood this was one of lives greatest gifts and hence I knew I had to invest all my time on them. Loss permanently changes you and helps you shift your priorities in life. Loss is truly a life altering experience.
Share with us a summary of your professional journey?
Initially, when I was dabbling with post university career options, I was quite focused on joining a bank upon graduation. Hence, after my first year at Durham, I returned to Sri Lanka for my summer holidays and enrolled for the Dialog, MAS and Deutsche Bank Internship Program. This was a real eye opener and showed me a lot more prospects and roles I could explore outside the banking industry. Also, the summer prior to starting university I completed an internship at Transparency International. At Transparency International I met a lot of inspiring, young professionals who were passionate about making change in the country.
At present, the most important role in my life is that of being a mother. I know I have a very small window to spend with my children before they fly out of the nest, hence I don’t want to miss that. I cherish every moment I spend with them. My calendar revolves around them; I schedule everything based on their activities. For me work is secondary, my priority is my children. At the early stages of our marriage, my husband and I decided that I wouldn’t join the corporate world. He is an entrepreneur and hence has a lot on his plate. One of us needed to manage our house affairs and we mutually decided that would be me. From counseling to writing books, I juggle everything when my children are at school or in bed. My hobby is art, this is my escape. This hobby recently evolved into a small commercial venture, when my dear friend Nataly decided to sell a few pieces at her store, Pendi. I like experimenting with new projects that allows me to explore my creativity. My last venture was with Annika Fernando at PR, where I developed an antique jewellery line. I really enjoyed this project, as I absolutely adore antique jewellery; it's a love affair I share with my mother.
I named this debut collection after my Grand Aunt, Illa who is an illustrious member of the Radala caste and a true Kandyan beauty. She would always be attired in unique statement pieces, and had a collection of beautiful, iconic pieces which were steeped in history.
What inspired you to write your first book?
How many books have you published so far?
We have published eight so far, and seven are available in the market for purchase. We ran out of circulation on one book after it sold out and we decided not to do a reprint of it. All our books are available at multiple locations including at Pendi, Design Collective, Barefoot, Arienti, Milk, Baby Bear and Tropic of Linen. Out of all the books we have published, my personal favorite is my devotional for mothers. I penned this after my grandfather passed away. This book reflects my personal journey as a mother and how much I've needed to lean on my faith to carry me through. It deals with loss, children and most importantly stories from my friends who have dealt with traumatic experiences such as post natal depression, single parenting, suicide, loss of a child and so on. It really was a privilege to write this book, and document not just my personal story but that of a collective of mothers managing life together and learning through our shared experiences. This book is available online via Amazon and is titled, ‘Dear Friend.”
You’re a working mom with four children. How do you strike that perfect work-life balance?
Primarily, thanks to my very supportive husband and parents! I completed my Master’s in Marketing whilst being pregnant with my second child. I managed to complete this entirely because of my husband. He was my biggest cheerleader and kept encouraging me all the way. Prior to commencing my Master’s, my husband, Presantha one day sat me down and had a long conversation with me. In a nutshell, he basically said that I could do more instead of being a full-time, stay at home mom. He did all the initial research and found me a reputed institution close to home to enroll for my Master’s. I started this part-time, attending classes a few hours each week. With the support of my husband and parents, I was able to complete my post-graduate studies within a year. Furthermore, prior to getting married and having children, I had also enrolled myself for a Master’s in Theology at the Colombo Theological Seminary. This took me a decade to complete, and I just finished the last of my modules.
I hope to commence my dissertation in 2023 and fingers crossed, I would be able to graduate in 2023. With marriage, motherhood, and all other commitments I didn't want to rush this program. I wanted to take my own time to understand this subject in depth. Also, I managed to catch up on a lot of my reading and teaching material during lockdown, this period helped me expedite my studies.
Most women think they need to quit work once they have children. They don’t think it’s possible to manage both, work, and a family. Do you agree?
I think this is rapidly changing. With the current cost of living there is a greater need for both parties to work, and a greater need for good day care facilities for working parents with young children. What most people need to understand is that being a housewife and taking care of children is a bigger task than a full-time job. We are on our feet 24 hours of the day. It is an incredibly hard job to do. Men need to understand this because they need to take on an equal role in the household and share responsibilities if both parties must work. Most women do full time jobs, and full-time parenting, and we wonder why they are so burnt out. One can manage both if there is a good support system. For example, three of my children went to Mighty Minds Montessori, which also has a good day care centre, which was extremely useful for the days I was stuck, and my parents also couldn’t chip in. I would leave them at the day care centre until I was done with work. The best of Sri Lanka’s workforce is women who can’t work due to their family commitments. I truly feel for women to manage both home and work commitments the country needs to actively create an eco-system that would allow a mother to successfully manage both, a home, and a job. We need childcare and other facilities made available. We also need to explore other options such as flexible work hours and other hybrid work models. Sri Lanka is losing out by not creating this eco-system, as women have proved to be more efficient and capable of multi-tasking. Women are responsible, diligent, task oriented and will get then job done. One important lesson to learn from the pandemic is that we don’t always need to be at an office to work. Work can still be done remotely. We live in a digital world where we are all connected online.
The centre is focused on grief counselling. We are the only centre in the country to run a program called the Grief Recovery Method. We work under the Australasia Network, run by Amanda Lamros, based in Perth, Australia. We deal with all forms of loss, from the loss of a loved one, to the loss of relationships. We also help deal with the loss of a job to even the loss of a pet. Christmas and New Year tends to be a very difficult period for individuals dealing with grief, so this period tends to be a busy time for us. We also run dedicated workshops for the corporate sector. We focus on topics relevant to each individual industry. We also run workshops for schools and help teachers and parents manage children experiencing hardship. Our last workshop was on suicide prevention. More information pertaining to our centre can be found online via Facebook or Instagram: ASA_wellspring.
Do you ever think – “Am I crazy?"
I think a lot of people around me may thinks so! If one doesn’t know me too well, it may appear to be so at first instance, but however I do have a method to my madness. I do things at my own pace, and it gives me great satisfaction when I see the result.
Who do you look up to for inspiration or mentorship?
My grandparents, Colton and Susanne Wickramaratne. They were two exceptional human beings. Their stories are very inspiring, and my grandpa wrote a book titled, “My Adventure in Faith,” which documents his personal journey. Growing up with them by my side and seeing the way they lived their lives was a constant source of inspiration for me. My grandma also instilled in me this concept of being mindful and learning from my inner circle of friends. Several of my close friends are raising kids, working full-time, and leading very inspirational lives. We try as much as we can to support each other. They sell my books in their stores, support me by buying my books and some even take time to read and give me honest feedback, which is invaluable. My uncle Eran is also someone who I admire and look up to. I recall him giving up his full-time job at NDB and taking a ninety percent salary cut to enter politics. At the time, we all thought it was a crazy decision to quit at the peak of his banking career. Nevertheless, he felt strongly about wanting to bring about real system change and he was getting frustrated watching from the sidelines. My uncle is an extraordinary human being. He is humble and devotes equal time to his work and family. My uncle and aunt have a beautiful marriage of forty years which is something I admire. He would attend events with the Head of State yet come home and sit down for dinner with his wife, Dushy, and wash his own plate after his meal. He would always find time to babysit his grandchildren, teach his grandnephews (my children) cricket or to read a book to his grandniece (my daughter). His integrity, his dedication to serve people, and his desire to bring about real system change that will improve the lives of all Sri Lankan’s has always been inspirational to me.
Your biggest regret?
I wish I had more time to visit friends and family I adore and love. I wish I could allocate more time to spend with them. I don’t enjoy social gatherings, but I enjoy spending one-on-one quality time with my nearest and dearest.
What has been the highlight of your career so far?
My eldest son telling me that he also wants to be an Author, my second son telling me that he wants to be an Illustrator and my daughter telling me that she one day wants to open her own bookstore! With these comments, I know my children see the work I do and appreciate it in their own way; they think their mummy is cool! These comments make it all worthwhile.
What do you want to achieve next?
Finish my dissertation! Finally, a decade of studying Theology is about to come to an end. I am so excited to wrap this chapter up. I also have two books scheduled to be released next year. One book attempt to deal with anger management, whether it’s slapping a child, managing mischievous children, especially sons who quarrel with each other or just siblings or us as parents pulling our children’s hair as a form of punishment. The book also aims to help parents overcome domestic violence and abuse. The second book is about parents developing patience to communicate with teenagers and young adults.
We often don’t realize how important it is for us to change the way we communicate when our children enter different stages of their lives. Hence, the second book aims to speak on this topic in detail. I also have two children’s books in the pipeline, one about the importance of being responsible for our actions and the other about parents aging. Caring for the elderly is something close to my heart and I am currently working on this book with Kathesh Handy, and I am excited to see how it turns out.
If you could go back and tell yourself one thing before beginning your career what would it be?
Just trust God. He sees you and knows your heart. He will work things out for you in his time and not on your time. Let go and let God manage it all.
Have you been bullied or discriminated against?
As a child school was difficult for me as I am dyslexic. I was in the special need’s math class and special needs English class, and I was not good in my work. I recall having to read aloud in class and often I would stutter, and when I write my spellings would be all wrong. I would also often misread sentences when I read them out loud for the first time and all this would lead to lots of giggles and laughter by my classmates. I was often teased and bullied. I had to work a lot harder than an average child just to pass my exams. Even today reading and writing is a challenge for me; I must read most things twice or thrice and I need to write everything down and read it a few times to identify mistakes. Growing up, I encountered several teachers who repeatedly told me that I won’t be able to achieve much in life. However, I had three teachers who shaped and changed my life. They understood me and hence chose to teach me utilizing multiple methods of teaching. Presanga Perera helped me achieve an ‘B’ for my A’Level Math after receiving a ‘D’ for my O’Levels. Suhasha Sellayah taught me English Literature; my only ‘A’ on my O’Levels certificate. She patiently enhanced my ability to connect with books and characters in a deep and more meaningful manner. Geetha Mageswaren shaped my thinking and gave me the solid foundation I required to succeed in understanding Economics, and once I understood it in depth, I knew I wanted to pursue this subject for my tertiary education in UK.
Another individual who dedicated his spare time to help me was my uncle, Eran Wickremaratne. Although he had a full-time job at the National Development Bank, he considered me as his main priority after my father informed him one day that they were concerned that I may fail my O’Levels due to my learning disability. From that day onwards, Eran dedicated all his spare time to me. He taught me Economics, Accounts, Math, and Business Studies every day. Daily he would finish work and come home and spend two hours teaching me. He made sure I passed my O’Level examinations. Sports also played a huge role in my life. I am not an Olympic Level sportswoman, but my parents having identified my dyslexia at an early age, encouraged me to develop skills outside the classroom. My father was also dyslexic. Overtime, I engaged in Karate at a national level and won several awards. I was also Captain of my school’s Basketball team. I played a lot of team sports, and this taught me how to accept both victory and defeat humbly. Sports taught me many vital lessons in life; the importance of hard work, staying focused, how to be alone inside a ring and face an opponent and so on.
My parents always told me not to focus on my weaknesses and instead to focus on my strengths. They made me understand at an early age that no two human beings are the same, we are all unique and special in our own ways. We are all capable of achieving success at our own pace. My parents had one motto – ‘Turn up and give it your best!’ To date this remains my motto in life.
Where do you see yourself ten years from now?
In ten years, my children would be a lot bigger; ten, fifteen, sixteen and seventeen years in age. Goodness! I think my life at this point would involve a lot of time on the road, driving my children to school, for extracurricular activities and so on. But I’m sure like now, I would probably spend a lot of my spare time engaged in activities that I enjoy doing. I do hope my publishing house grows bigger and we are able to even have backward integration and control our publishing process more. I hope we also move to an international market and send our books out to new places and spaces. As much as I want to grow and expand things, I am a strong believer in taking all my people with me; we grow and thrive as a collective.
How do you want to be remembered one day?
I want to make it to heaven one day and I want God to tell me, ‘Sasha you did good during your time on earth. You made your time count. You loved people, you loved me, and you were faithful to all that I gave you.” That to me is more than I could ever ask for.