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Couples who work in the same Profession
By Kshalini Nonis
Couples who work in the same profession do full-time jobs that are demanding and their working lives and personal lives are deeply intertwined. However, there are also challenges that come with it as well as the pros and cons.
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1.What are the advantages of both you and your spouse working in the same profession? 2· What if any are the disadvantages? 3· How do you find family time and time for responsibilities of the children for instance when you are both doing demanding jobs? 4· How do you give each other your full attention when you have similar schedules and work demands? 5· As you are both in the field how do you support each other when it comes to issues related to work? 6· Do you feel that you have a better understanding than couples who are in different careers and if so why? 7· Due to shared load, responsibilities and pursuing your career is it hard to achieve the best in your career? 8· How would you compromise on decisions such as if you have to re-locate (whose job to re-locate for) or if one decided to make a career change etc ? 9· What is the advice you would give to couples who are in a similar situation?
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Harshanee Deshapriya - Attorney-at-Law
Q1: Despite the fact that married life and professional life are two entirely different aspects, we have many things to discuss and talk about. Be it work- related issues or what`s going on in the country, without much explanation and effort I am able to clarify many things with him. It is highly beneficial to have a spouse in the same profession for knowledge sharing as you trust and respect each other more based on their expert levels and there is better understanding and empathy they can draw towards you in work related issues which is obviously a strength.
Q2: Mostly we deal with matters connected to work than our personal lives. Since both of us are in demanding professions, life is obviously stressful and it’s an obstacle to especially balance work and life. Sometimes we have to struggle with attending to kids' matters alone when the other partner is held up with deadlines and submissions.
Q3: We have experienced and realized that family time doesn’t come automatically as busy lawyers and we need to plan for it. I have stopped working during weekends and spend time with the kids.
Q4: It is important to understand the nature of our professions and to be empathetic towards the other person. Further, we plan for weekly outings and even holidays with only both of us.
Q5: When we are unsure of our legal approaches or in the need of insights to related issues we seek advice from each other. In this context we are concerned of not divulging the details of persons but deal with the issue at hand. If there is so much on the plate of the other person we go to the extent of drafting and liaising with government institutions to expedite the other's work.
Q6: Definitely yes. Lawyers work is very technical and only another lawyer can understand the dynamics and nitty gritties of the same.
Q8: First I need to evaluate how impactful the career change would be to the family as a whole. I personally am not afraid to start from the beginning or change the career totally as long as we have a plan to sustain as a family.
Q9: It is inevitable that there are unique challenges in any marriage. It is even more complex when both the spouses are doing demanding jobs. In this context it is crucial to have patience, understanding and empathy towards your partner to be successful as a family.
Bushan Illeperuma -Attorney-at - Law
Q1: Since my wife is a Head of legal in a reputed conglomerate our legal knowledge and exposures towards the legal industry undoubtedly benefit each other to carry out our day - to - day career tasks. We have constant chats about certain theories in law and legal approaches towards certain issues and accordingly it establishes natural connection and pride of having a spouse of the same profession. On the other hand, I uphold my clients' privacy and expect my spouse to respect the same by not harping on the details of my clients but to only discuss the issue at hand. I am thankful to my wife who understands and respects the same and I feel a spouse of a different profession would understand the same.
Q2: Family time and attending to kids' matters are tricky when both spouses are doing demanding jobs. It is that you cannot expect the other to compromise their work because you cannot weigh the importance of each other`s work.
Q3: Similar to what Harshanee has said we have experienced and realized that family time doesn’t come automatically as busy lawyers and we need to plan for it. Accordingly, we have arranged a night out every Wednesday at least to go for a drink, have dinner and to spend alone time together with the spouse which has assisted us in developing our bond. When it comes to kids compared to my wife, since I finish court work in the morning and commence the consultation session in the evening I have more time during the day to spend time with my elder daughter on the weekdays when she comes home after school and I have dedicated one day during weekends to spend time with our two daughters.
Q5: We seek advice from each other to verify our legal approaches or gain insights to related issues. In this context I am particular about clients' confidentiality. We also get the assistance of each other to attend preliminary drafting and liaising with government institutions for them to finalize matters expeditiously.
Q6: Yes, I believe a spouse of the same profession has a better understanding about your career and life compared to a random person. However, I don’t see this as a critical matter.
Q7: Family commitments definitely deviate anyone from their career goals and concentration. However, I believe that it is important to have a balanced work life as a human being than being excessively career oriented.
Dr Nilantha and Dr Savitri De Silva
Q1: Better understanding of each other's work commitments. Receives help and advice on work related matters. Receives encouragement to excel at work. Absence of professional jealousy specially because both are at the same level of professional standing . Being both doctors helps in dealing with medical issues related to family and has shared responsibility. Common work interest which contributes to the development of the relationship.
Q2: Very busy work schedules specially because both are keen on professional development which leads to neglect of self, personal relationships and does not get enough time to do things as a family. When posted at two different areas within the island tends to spend a lot of time apart. Both being equally busy compromises on social committments and leads to missing out on social activities and leads to isolation.
Q3: Sharing of responsibilities. Presence of extended family support. Compromising at times.
Q4: We try to set aside some time at least once in two months to meet for lunch or dinner away from the children but confess that it does not always happen and end up feeling guilty that the kids are not included.
Q5: We advise each other on how to deal with difficult situations as we both have different as well as common experiences related to work .
Q6: We do, because being a doctor requires a lot of dedication which includes working out-station, working after hours and during holidays so a person from a different profession would consider these commitments as neglect of family and family matters.
Q7: It would be unless there is a supportive spouse and extended family support and luckily for us we have enjoyed the support of our parents.
Q8: We both have been posted to several different hospitals out-station as far as Polonnaruwa for one and the other at Ratnapura so we decided not to relocate but to be based in Colombo and left the care of our kids with our parents and I travelled daily from home while my spouse would come back only over the weekends. Luckly the kids were small and did not miss our presence too much.
Q9: Share responsibilities. Respect each other's ambitions. Be equal partners in your relationship. Value the importance of your spouse with regard to the contribution he or she makes to their profession as well as to the family·
Harin Gomes - Attorney-at-Law
Q1: Interest of being in the same profession is an advantage.
Q3: Need to manage time and certain sacrifices have to be made for the benefit of children.
Q4: Simply the understanding of both patners makes the difference.
Q5: Share knowledge and experenice.
Q8: Not necessary to change the profession , but somehow try your best to find solutions for the issues you face.
Sanja Gomes- Attorney-at-Law
Q1: When both are in the same profession most of the time, interests are the same. It is easy to understand each other.
Q2: When there is an issue where either spouse has to attend, it is difficult to make it out as both have to be in Court.
Q3: It will depend on the situation that arises. In a situation like if both are busy, either spouse will have to sacrifice and attend to the situation. When there are instances where both have to attend and the children expect both of us to be there, we have always been there after making some kind of an arrangement for the job related issue.
Q4: We keep the weekends free for the family.
Q5: We share our thoughts, discuss and apply suitable advice to that situation.
Q6: You cannot say all the time that you have a better understanding than when the couples are in different careers but when you have an idea of the work that the person has to attend you should be able to understand the other person.
Q7: Though we are in the same profession we practice in two different areas. Therefore, it was not a difficult thing to achieve the best in my career. Also understanding the other person will help immensely to reach this goal.
Q9: Understanding and team work is very essential. As our profession leads us to work late nights, meeting various people, and functions to attend. Time management is essential and this has helped me immensely to attend to my family while carrying out my job. My husband and I have always been there for my childrens’ events. Maturity and how you apply yourself in the situations you face is a key factor.
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