Ladies who are unmarried can choose how they spend their lives with perhaps more freedom than those who are married. We spoke to a few unmarried ladies to get their opinions.

By Kshalini Nonis

Shanuki de Alwis

Q1- I’m not single, I am in a fulfilling long term relationship. I am simply unmarried. It is not a ‘choice’, but rather the fact that I’ve never really felt the need to be married up to now and there’s never been a good enough reason for me to change my current status quo. That may change, or it may not. I am happy with my life the way it is for now and I don’t think that should be a newsworthy thing.

Q2- I didn’t choose a career over anything. Careers and marriage aren’t mutually exclusive. I have a career that I am passionate about, but it has nothing to do with whether I want to be married or not. I’ve never made such a choice. I’m also amused that nobody asks unmarried working men these kinds of questions.

Q3- Nobody’s made it into an issue. Granted, it’s a less conservative way to lead my life because I haven’t followed the traditional social norms and dictates about the ‘right time’ to get married. That can make older generations question you about why you’re not following the herd,  because they’ve always taken it for granted that it’s just the way things should be. But what is the right time, really? Shouldn’t it be what each individual determines as the right time for themselves, and not what a system decides? On a positive note, I think urban Sri Lanka is slowly changing now and learning to mind its own business, whilst respecting womens’ autonomy more. I don’t particularly worry about or entertain anybody’s perceptions about my life. If they think there’s something wrong with me, then that’s their own problem to deal with, not mine.

Q4- What works for one person doesn’t necessarily have to work for another. To each their own, so different people can have different pros and cons. For my own personal life, the pros of being unmarried is that I am always free to do and go about as I please without having to consider someone else’s agenda or motivations. I enjoy the independence of charting my own course and dedicating my time to whatever I want without the guilt or obligation that comes with compromise. I haven’t experienced any major cons yet. If there are any, it would be having to deal with state infrastructure and institutional systems that are not designed to accommodate unmarried women. I hate having to justify my marital status when I want to do the simplest things like go to the police, get a bank loan, apply for a travel visa, etc, and it annoys me a bit when service people make assumptions and call me Mrs.

Q5- I have no regrets. I am privileged to be self-sufficient and don’t need a provider. I have enough companionship, compatibility and love, that is also respectful of my personal space and independence. That said, marriage isn’t the end of a woman’s independence. Married women do also continue to enjoy their independence, provided they have a respectful and mature husband who doesn’t encroach on it. Marriage isn’t jail and if it feels like that, you shouldn’t be married.

Q6- Not at all. Why does being unmarried mean that one can’t enjoy family life? I don’t think it’s necessary to have a piece of paper to validate a relationship or a family, and therefore a romantic partner can be just as much of a family to me with or without a wedding ring. My own family is still my family, whose company I continue to enjoy. My friends are my family. My numerous pets are my family. Although I personally don’t want children, I don’t see anything wrong in an unmarried woman who wants them to be able to raise them as long as she can provide for them or has a consenting co-parent to help. So again, nobody needs to ‘miss out’ on anything. The only thing that stops a lot of women are these pointless unspoken rules and pressures that society puts on us.

Q7- You come first. The world won’t end if you just live your life as you please, in a way that works best for you without harming anyone else. It’s 2024 and women are no longer dependent on men or society to define/empower us. Marry or don’t marry, it’s entirely up to you. Live as you wish and don’t label yourself, just because a closed mind out there does.

Nilakshi Perera

Q1- I chose a single life because it aligns with my personal goals, values, and the lifestyle I want to lead. It wasn’t about  consciously rejecting marriage but rather about focusing on my growth and passions. Over time, I realised that a fulfilling life doesn’t necessarily have to include a traditional relationship structure.

Q2- Choosing a career was about pursuing my passions, talents, and ambitions. I believe that personal fulfillment comes from living authentically and pursuing what excites me. For some, that’s marriage and family life; for others, it’s a career or a mix of both. For me, building a career gave me independence and the opportunity to make a difference in my field.

Q3- Society often has a traditional view of success that includes marriage and family. As a single woman, I sometimes face stereotypes or assumptions that I might be lonely or incomplete. However, I think this perception is gradually changing as more people recognise that fulfillment and happiness come in many forms.

Q4- The pros of being single include independence, freedom to make decisions without needing to compromise, and the ability to focus on personal growth and career. However, the cons can include societal pressure and the lack of a built-in support system that comes with a partner. It really depends on one’s perspective and what they value in life.

Q5- I believe being independent and having a life of my own is empowering. It has allowed me to explore my potential, take risks, and build a life that’s truly mine. While there might be moments of doubt or societal pressure, I have no regrets about choosing a path that has brought me fulfillment and happiness.

Q6- There are moments when I wonder what having a family life might be like, but it’s not something I feel I’m necessarily missing out on. Everyone has different desires and goals. For me, the life I’ve built has been full of rewarding experiences, deep relationships, and personal achievements. It’s about appreciating what I have rather than focusing on what I don’t.

Q7- To other single women, I would say: live your truth and embrace the life that makes you happiest. Society’s expectations are not a measure of your worth. Whether you find joy in a career, hobbies, friendships, travel, or solitude, know that a fulfilling life comes in many forms. Celebrate your independence and the unique path you’re on.

Jeyandra Poopathy Maheesha

Q1- Choosing to be single wasn’t a conscious decision, but rather a result of the priorities I’ve set in my life—building a meaningful career and taking care of my mother. These responsibilities bring me fulfillment and joy. Being single has allowed me the flexibility to focus on both my professional growth and my family, without the compromises that often come with balancing a relationship.

Q2- It wasn’t about choosing a career over marriage; it was about following my passion. My work is an essential part of who I am, and it gives me a sense of purpose. At the same time, caring for my mother has been a priority that I cherish. Marriage didn’t align with the goals I’ve set for myself in this season of my life. My career has allowed me to grow, innovate, and create, while also being there for my family.

Q3- Society often has fixed expectations for women, especially regarding marriage and family. There’s sometimes a perception that single women are missing something or incomplete. However, I believe these ideas are outdated. More people are starting to realise that fulfillment comes in many forms, whether through career, personal relationships, or family responsibilities. I feel empowered in my choices, and I don’t let societal judgments affect my path.

Q4-
Pros:

• Freedom to pursue my passions without the need to consider a partner’s perspective on every decision.
• Time and energy to focus on both my career and my family, especially taking care of my mother.
• Flexibility in how I organise my life and the ability to adapt quickly to new opportunities.

Cons:

• Managing both work and personal responsibilities alone can be overwhelming at times.
• You may miss out on certain shared experiences that come with building a life with someone else.

Q5- I’ve embraced my independence and have no regrets. It has allowed me to pursue my dreams, support my family, and live life on my terms. While there are occasional moments where I wonder what life with a partner might be like, the freedom I’ve experienced and the satisfaction of building something of my own outweigh any fleeting doubts. I’ve built a life that brings me fulfillment in both my work and my family responsibilities.

Q6- At times, I do wonder what it would be like to have a traditional family life, but I’ve created a different type of family through the bond I share with my mother and the relationships I’ve built in my career. Caring for her and pursuing my passion give me a sense of purpose. While I might not have the conventional experience of family life, I don’t feel that I’m missing out on something crucial – what I have is meaningful and enough for me.

Q7- Don’t let society’s expectations define your choices. Whether you’re building a career, caring for family, or simply enjoying your independence, remember that there’s no one path to happiness. Embrace the freedom that comes with being single, and find fulfillment in the things that matter most to you. You can create a rich, full life on your own terms, and that’s something to celebrate.