As parents, one should guide one’s children in teaching them the importance of cultivating good friendships

Vesak is a very significant day for all Buddhists. It is the day Gautama Buddha was born, attained enlightenment and passed away.We are all born into this world, just like the Buddha did. We were all children once, just like He was. 

Buddha paved the way for a good life by asking lay people to practise the five precepts.
As Buddhist parents, we should inculcate the value of observing the five precepts in our children.They are: Not willfully destroying life, not taking that which is not freely given, not committing acts of sexual misconduct, not telling untruths and not consuming intoxicants.

If a parent can instill the importance of keeping these five precepts in their children in their early years, this can lead children to grow up to be morally responsible adults with compassion and respect for all sentient beings.
As parents, we should teach our children what is really important in life. And that a human being has much more value than any object on earth, however, valuable it may seem.

For example, If a child has accidentally broken something- say a water jug for example- the adult (that’s you) should behave in a ‘Buddhistic’ way. All things are impermanent. Like the Ajahns say- ‘The cup is already broken’. The cracks can’t be seen, but it has the potential to break one day, and one day break it shall. So why scold the child? What has he done? If he has intentionally broken the glass jug out of anger- then the cause for that anger should be addressed by the parent, but not in a severe way. Children open up if you are soft and sensitive with them. However, if it had been broken without the child intending it to break, then the parent should naturally forgive the child and comfort him and say ‘darling it’s Ok. Try to be more careful next time’. What’s the purpose in smacking a child for something it had no control over? Absolutely none. A child is a living breathing being. How can the value of a living breathing being be compared to that of an inanimate object? No matter how ‘valuable’ it seems?  Our society is a materialistic one in many ways, and this needs to change.    
A lot of atrocities we see in the world can be traced to a lack of parental love and care for children in their tender years. It is very important to show your love to your children by words and deeds.

As parents, one should guide one’s children in teaching them the importance of cultivating good friendships. It is one of the most important things for a human being to have really good friends, and in this respect,  friends who encourage  you on your spiritual path. Such friends are Kalyana Mittas.  The Buddha has said that good friends are not just a part of the path. It is the whole path.

"If a parent can instill the importance of practising the five precepts in their children in their early years they can lead children to be morally responsible adults and have compassion and respect for all sentient beings"

Speaking of cultivating friendships in the 21st century, one can’t help mentioning Facebook and all social media, which people in this day and age utilise to cultivate friendships. In the not so distant past, we human beings did not have Facebook to make friends. Certain people would be drawn to each other for whatever reason and they would take that relationship from there.  There are many ways in making good friends- not only Facebook.

Social Media is Important to Network. However, it should be utilised in a healthy manner. I was an active member on Facebook. However, with the onset of this pandemic, I realised that for me personally, Facebook doesn’t work. And I don’t need it for my personal happiness. One glorifies one’s personal life on Facebook and all the while, people are dying. People are suffering. One is not saying that it is a bad thing entirely to be on Facebook. One is at liberty to live the life one wishes to live. However, one should keep things in perspective and also as parents, children have to be supervised when using facebook and also the Internet.

If the family is Buddhist, then it is up to the parents to teach their children what the Buddha has taught and get them interested in reading Buddhist literature. As for me, the Buddha’s teachings have been the balm to my soul. There is an answer to almost everything in Buddhism.

Meditation also should be encouraged as a part of their upbringing . There is no need to sit for hours and hours meditating- but for a start maybe cultivating mindfulness in everyday living. That is being mindful when going about your day. 

It is also important to instil in your child the importance of cultivating the four Brahma Viharas. They are: Loving Kindness, compassion, joy in the happiness of others and equanimity. 
These are also called the ‘Four Divine Abodes’ because these attributes are truly divine, and one who cultivates these qualities is that much closer to the divine.

I don’t call myself the perfect parent. I don’t think any parent is ‘Perfect’. We all learn along the way.
Parents should teach the above values  by example. Children are impressionable and they absorb readily from their environment. If the parents practice these values then the children also learn to abide by them..

Metta Prayer in closing, for this year’s Vesak:
May All Beings,
Be Well. Be Happy.
Free from Greed,
Hatred and Delusion.
Discovering the joys
Of Cultivating:
Loving- Kindness
Compassion,
Sympathetic Joy and
Equanimity.
Happy in being
Virtuous.
And doing what is
Meritorious.
Being fearless
In following
The Buddha’s
Path. The road
To the deathless.
The End of Suffering.
Completed.

Wishing you all A Happy Vesak! - With Metta!