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Can we really walk the talk?

17 Jan 2014 - {{hitsCtrl.values.hits}}

Building a career has always been a tough calling. Whether for a man or woman, working towards a goal of success, with a strong dose of determination and courage, rarely comes easy. Somehow, along the way, we discover, sometimes to our chagrin, that for a woman, it is slightly that much harder. Nothing wrong in our genetic make-up – nothing there that says we are the weaker sex. But simply, that in the gender balance it is the women on whom the greater burden falls. More so, if you also want to balance the tight rope of being with your family, your children and those you hold close and dear.

Never ending guilt
Women entrepreneurs, career women and women in challenging yet rewarding positions have wondered through the years about the mantra of doing it all. Some have succeeded at some personal cost yet for others, it is usually a daily struggle. And of course, the guilt never ends. Often enough, you have to remind yourself that you have done your best, under the circumstances. Yet, in our perfection- obsessed world, sometimes the best is not enough.

The balancing act can be hard when your chosen career is one that will involve trekking across the world. And sometimes, while trekking, you might find yourself in the middle of the most awkward position, both career-wise and family-wise. Just how do you respond when it involves your career and your roles of mother/wife in somewhat of a conflict situation?

Take the case of Devyani Khobragade, the 39-year-old Indian diplomat who was accused of committing visa fraud and underpaying her domestic help in the US recently. She was arrested in front of her children’s school, cavity searched and dispatched into a cell she had to share with common criminals.

The incident became a huge diplomatic row for India and the US; she has now returned to India under full diplomatic immunity but told the media that she was in anguish since she had to leave behind her two young children with her husband who works as an academic in the US.

To those of us in this part of the world, the incident is loaded with various connotations but that is not where we are heading today. Whether Khobragade is guilty or not, the case serves as a touch point of the challenges a woman faces in the course of her career. Leaving children behind whether as a result of her career or as a result of a conflict associated with her career is always a tough choice. A choice most of us wish we don’t have to make.

Not to mention the mental trauma Khobragade, as an educated woman from a well-to-do background, would have had to undergo being arrested and locked up.

Entrepreneur’s road
There are of course women who are perfectly happy to leave highly successful careers to enter entrepreneurship in the hope that it will give them more time to spend with the family. They are wrong, often enough.

Sometimes, starting a business, as exciting and full of possibilities of working for yourself as it may seem, can be a tough call - especially if you are used to the comfort of a plush office, fairly established routines, comfort zones of known work schedules and so on.

In entrepreneurship, you often start with nothing but a brilliant idea and have to work out of home and it may also involve the oddest hours.

Still, there are rewards – of being able to participate in your child’s day, being around when they come home from school more often than not and generally being able to be around for them when needed. Those benefits far outweigh the pitfalls of entrepreneurship but it is still a challenging road, one that must not be chosen lightly.
If we are honest enough with ourselves, we would realize that we cannot walk the talk of managing it all as wonderfully as it is made out to be. There are compromises along the way and pitfalls too. Take the case of sudden overseas transfers and relocation. A man might be able to handle it easier than a woman and that’s a fact that cannot be argued.

Sometimes, something day-to-day as having to attend a day-long meeting on a holiday can be a tough call, especially when you have promised the kids you will spend it with them.

Learn to be content
So, in the end, having done it all, can we be content that we have succeeded? Have the compromises been worth the while? Ask some of the major female CEO stars and they will tell you although not publicly of course, that in their rise, they have loaded up a lot of guilt.

Guilt as only mothers can relate to. The guilt of not being there for key achievements of the children, family gatherings, anniversary parties and the list goes on and on. Sometimes, the distance put between the spouses by a career has been damaging enough to seek a separation or a divorce.
So, what do we do then, if we cannot walk the talk?

Having been a career woman who has successfully made the transition from the big time corporate world to entrepreneur, my personal experience has been to be content with what I could become; not always shooting for the moon and the stars but being successful enough goal-wise so that I still am around for the children and my husband.

For, whatever laurels we may choose to wear as women who have pierced the glass ceiling, women who have mastered challenging careers that were once limited to men or women who found power in the Nike logo of impossible is nothing, we are and will always be in our best roles as mothers and wives whose nurturing of a family makes the world a better place. Always.

(Nayomini Weerasooriya, a senior journalist, writer and a PR professional, can be contacted at [email protected])

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Can we really walk the talk?

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