WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM OUR CHILDREN

These are indeed emotionally straining times a parent can find themselves in. As the pandemic rears its infectious head around our island once again, we are forced to take refuge in our households. Every difficult scenario, whatever the situation maybe, can be overcome if we approach it with the right mental attitude. Now you might ask, what podcast, which book or who is the latest influencer we should all start trending to solve all our problems. But the reality to a better attitude lies right within our own households. If we look towards the children, their simple no nonsense approach to life is all and more than we need. Sometimes, overwhelmed with the mix of emotions, paralysed with the opinions of others and lost in societal expectations we forfeit our confidence, our happiness and even at times our prosperity just simply because we do not want to rock the boat. In these unusual times we find ourselves achieving mental peace and strengthening family unity. These are the real purposes of life. Therefore are you feeling overwhelmed, apprehensive, despondent, then look towards the children, and get your attitude in check.

1. Say NO without feeling guilty - Many of us feel roped into a job, a situation, a commitment all because we feel scared of disappointing someone else. I’d slave over a pot to cook the perfect meal, or troll the internet to find the most despaired for object and even coordinate a million tangled webs to plan a perfect something or the other for my child or loved one, only for them to fizzle at their reciprocal sentiment. In other words it’s a definite “NO” I am not appreciative of your actions nor do I feel guilty. This callous, insensitive behaviour you might even say borders on disrespect, and in fact rude. But at the heart of the matter, learning the ability to put your peace of mind, your happiness, your fulfillment over the others expectations AND not feel a sense of remorse is liberating. Yes at first you might say I am talking gibberish and cloaked in absurdity. But start with the small things, that irk and disappoint you, having to wait when you rather not, having to show up when you would rather be elsewhere, having to listen to the latest family drama, when you would rather not take a side. For in actuality these small dissatisfied moments within yourself is what grows into the huge vacant disappointments within you. Just say NO and don’t feel guilty.

2. Express your emotions - Every parent is told to fear the terrible twos, the raging tantrums which have everyone rushing to obedience. But the reality is that in those moments your child is expressing their emotions unadulterated. No I don’t advice that we all start screaming and shouting and rolling around on the ground. But at times expressing your emotions rather than being passive, accepting or going with the flow is a way in safe guarding our happiness and in fact earning respect.

3. Live in the present - Give a child a balloon and they will live in that moment in extreme joy. Just the child and the balloon. I know definitely in my case, these lockdowns have forced me to slow down, to enjoy my children, my family. I cherish my children’s lost childhoods, I cherish my lost youth. The moments we find ourselves might not be grandiose, but these still quiet times, around a dinner table or sitting in the garden or even playing a board game with the family are truly monumentally gigantic and to be enjoyed in entirety in the present.

4. Forgive and forget- Children can be cruel friends. They can insult each other with dagger fuelled words one minute and be bosom buddies the next, all insults and hurt forgotten. Forgiving and forgetting are truly neglected qualities in life. In fact it is easy to be angry and vindictive at someone rather than work through the emotional battle of overcoming that hurt or guilt. But this is exactly how you grow as humans, you faced the reality, overcome the heartache and you just simply forgive and forget.

5. Don’t Judge - Children, if allowed are friends with anyone or anything. They don’t come with preconceived ideas or expectations. If you’re looking for a fun time so are they, and all they want to be are friends. Therefore have that motto etched strongly in your journey of life. Accept all, entertain all without judgment.

6. Don’t be afraid to be yourself - Many of us, myself included am quite happy in my safe little world that I have created, I have a label, wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and am happy to stick to it. Children are fearless, they are changelings, they go in search of their happiness. Some of the labels which I have fixed upon myself are not by choice, I might have wanted to be an entrepreneur, an author, or an industry stalwart. In some instances I have been afraid to be myself, lacking the confidence and the courage to look beyond, to have a voice, I take refuge in a role assumed, at times reluctantly. Don’t be afraid to be yourself.

7. Smile Everyday - Just simply smile. Just behold happiness. A child will show the same amount of enthusiasm at having a banana for breakfast as well as getting a three foot tier birthday cake of their dreams. You can either wallow your days in despair or you can look on the brighter side of things, there will always be a happy optimistic side. Find it.Wanting to be happy, wanting to be content… look towards the children.

MAYURI JAYASINGHE

Mayuri plays many roles in her life but her most important one is that of mother to her four children. In this weekly column she writes offering snippets of advice, ideas to enable every parent to have a positive parenting experience.

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