Pretty Boys: Redefining Masculinity

The posts in social media range from simple comparisons between  Korean Pop band BTS and women to homophobic remarks on the group and their fan-base

Why can’t men wear pink? It’s outrageous. It’s wrong. It’s a strange manmade rule that people have built upon. Men can wear any colour they want to. I think the society has to accept it,” she stated. “Because the world is moving on, so why not us? Why not Sri Lanka?

They are seen as less of a man.  The association with femininity is a source of shame for some men as if it threatens their masculinity. After all, in the words of Madonna, for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, because you think being a girl is degrading

If you do not know who BTS is, then you were probably living under a rock for the past few years. BTS, also known as the ‘Bangtan Boys’ is a Korean Pop (K-pop) group consisting of seven members; Kim Namjoon (RM), Kim Seokjin (Jin), Min Yoongi (Suga), Jung Hoseok (J-Hope), Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung (V) and Jeon Jungkook.   K-pop is a genre of popular music originating in South Korea and it has succeeded in making its mark around the globe. 

It includes an assortment of other genres such as electronic, hip-hop, rock, R&B, country and classical along with its traditional Korean roots.   BTS, (Bangtan Sonyeondan in Korean) meaning ‘Bulletproof Boy Scouts’ holds great meaning in its name. To stop stereotypes, criticism and expectations that are constantly fired like bullets at young people, BTS has made it their goal to shield the values and ideals of youth around the world. 

“WE WERE ONLY SEVEN, BUT WE HAVE YOU ALL NOW…”

Making their debut in 2013 under Big Hit Entertainment, BTS has proved their worth by winning countless awards and breaking global records. Starting from the very bottom, they have climbed to the top, along with their massive fan base filled with extremely dedicated fans known as the ‘BTS ARMY’. 

 
Already famous in Asia and successfully gaining a foothold in the US entertainment industry, BTS is now becoming quite popular in Europe and Australia as well. This leads to the obvious fact that ‘BTS has conquered the global entertainment industry’.   

Unlike most other artistes, BTS uses their music to shed light on important, socially relevant topics such as bullying, elitism and mental health. They have built an intimate relationship with their fans by being the light that shines on their darkest times. 

The group created the Love Myself campaign with UNICEF, a month after they released their first ‘Love Yourself’ album. This campaign against violence towards youth around the world raised over a million dollars.   

BTS lyrics have proven to be quite therapeutic as many fans revealed their stories and therefore, BTS considers it as a responsibility they have as a band.   

“After releasing the Love Yourself albums and launching the Love Myself campaign, we started to hear remarkable stories from our fans all over the world, how our message helped them overcome their hardships in life and start loving themselves.  These stories constantly remind us of our responsibility,” Kim Namjoon, the leader of BTS said at the UN General Assembly recently. 

WHAT’S HAPPENING IN SRI LANKA?

BTS’ latest single Dynamite became the #1 trending video in Sri Lanka just after its release, last month.   
While there are many fans of their work, hate comments were rapidly in the bloom against the group and their music in social media. The posts in social media range from simple comparisons between BTS and women to homophobic remarks on the group and their fan-base. 

Recently, even mainstream media institutions made several comments on the group and their recent single.   
“Sri Lankan Radio hosts degrade BTS using extremely derogatory comments”, the popular k-pop celebrity news site ‘allkpop.com’ announced in their headlines explaining how certain Sri Lankan talk show hosts humiliated BTS and their fan-base by posing the question, “Are they, boys?” (ie. They look feminine)   

Sri Lanka is home to a massive BTS army that showers their idols with endless love and support. However, unfortunately, society has not failed to create anti-fans that display rather implicit discrimination towards the boy group.   

Although negative comments in social media platforms are common in the music industry, most negative comments against BTS are concerning as they stem from ideologies of toxic masculinity and obvious xenophobic judgement. 

It seems that the use of makeup, unusual hairstyles, jewellery and colourful clothing are all associated with being female in the Sri Lankan society. Our society has defined what it means to be a “man” based on very primitive ideologies, alienating any man who is at odds with the preconceived criteria.   

Even though society is yet to be free from toxic masculinity, further enforcing those ideologies could lead to detrimental effects.   

“I don’t have a problem with BTS. But the way they dress and act is very odd to me. They are very feminine. Their lack of a beard, hair colouring and fashion choices aren’t very manly. Simply they can easily be mistaken as women,” S. Edirimanna commented.   

While this highlights the stereotype of how “masculinity” is defined, it also paints a grim picture of the Sri Lankan society and its negative mentality. The immaturity that flows among the generation further leads to the increment of peer pressure that creates a ‘trend’ to discriminate against men who are trying to break barriers and rebel against the conformity of having to look ‘masculine’.   

BREAK THE GLASS CEILING THAT TRAPS YOU!

Sociology Professor at the Open University, Dr Harini Amarasuriya described toxic masculinity to be damaging to not only men but to the society as a whole.   

“Masculinity itself is a gendered identity, a socio-cultural meaning given to being male or female. When we say ‘toxic’ what it says is that we are re-enforcing a particular type of masculinity that is damaging to not only men but in any kind of interaction.   

This type of identity can be violent not just physically but in many ways,” 
Dr Amarasuriya explained.   

According to her, it re-enforces an idea about being a male or masculinity, how to look, how to behave, how one should be, what kind of job you should have etc.   

It stems from the stereotypical gender roles where a man is supposed to be the strong muscular bread-winner of the family.   

“Any kind of identity has a lot of diversity. But this primitive definition promotes a very strict notion of what it means to be a male, placing this particular form of gender identity as acceptable while excluding any other kind of gender identity. That exclusion manifests in a very aggressive manner in people who don’t fit into those criteria of identity,” 
Dr Amarasuriya commented.   

“The fact is that no one can measure up to the kind of ideal sort of masculinity that is contained in this. It leads to violence, aggression and deterioration of personal relationships,” Dr Amarasuriya said. Besides, the inability to fit into the socially acceptable criteria could lead to one’s deterioration of mental health increasing the risk of developing anxiety and depression. There are several other instances of toxic masculinity negatively affecting male suicide rates, sexual assault rates and men’s ability to discuss health problems with health 

care providers.   Toxic masculinity revolves around a very inflexible idea of what it means to be a real man because they find some sort of security through that.   

“In today’s society, a person’s failures are seen as individual failures and in their path of finding explanations; they resort to very primitive reasons to explain their failures. It could be racism, xenophobia, toxic masculinity or homophobia,” Dr Amarasuriya said.   

In her expert opinion, all of those things could be considered as manifestations of their effort to find reasons for why they are not flourishing.   

“I think the more insecure you are about yourself, your response is to then find an external target to blame for that,” 
She emphasised.   

Even though the emerging liberal ideologies have moved the conversation on gender, identity, masculinity and femininity, at a very theoretical level, toxic masculinity has not released its grip on society just yet.   

It’s especially difficult for men who are struggling with the traditional ideas of what it means to be a man, a provider, a protector; none of them makes sense anymore. Very few men can fulfil those roles in a socially acceptable manner. “We haven’t been able to sufficiently provide alternative ways of thinking about what it means to be a man. We don’t have those kinds of conversations. Girls and women have those kinds of conversations. Men don’t,” Dr Amarasuriya concluded.   

FASHION AND STYLE NOT GENDERIZED!

The K-Pop industry is widely known for its vibrant and daring sense of fashion that assists in creating unique and trend-setting visuals. Yet, of course, society will judge. Especially with the Sri Lankan culture and mindset, their fashion will appear as ‘far out’ or ‘feminine’.   

However, fashion and branding specialist, Lecturer at the National Innovation Centre, Dinukshi Beddavithana mentioned that the style BTS possesses is the norm in Korea.   

She explained that unlike South Asian countries, the East Asians tend to go into rapid styling and embrace femininity in a different level and that for them, was normal and accepted.   

“In fashion or styling, there is no wrong or right. Everyone has the right to dress the way they want to, the way they feel like, whatever that expresses themselves. And in Korea, that’s what matters to them,” she stated.   

“I don’t like to compare the Sri Lankan culture with the Korean culture because we have different perspectives. Negativity will always be present in the world and people will keep saying things but that will not change the fact that BTS is extremely famous and talented. Yes, they wear pastel colours and soft clothing, but that’s what is in trend right now in South Korea”.   

Dinukshi explained that the South Asian mindset has been shaped by the strict methods we were brought up with. Although most people can walk beyond the boundaries, it is not the case for the majority of our society.   

“I do think men can do a little more in Sri Lanka. They should break some barriers. We still have to get there but it’s happening slowly. However, it all comes with changes in mentality and culture”.   

Dinukshi stated that the toxic nature of bullying and criticizing is part of the lifestyle that we live in. While it is impossible to completely flip things around, society still has the choice to start from education and household. She encouraged parents to appreciate their sons breaking gender norms.   

“Why can’t men wear pink? It’s outrageous. It’s wrong. It’s a strange manmade rule that people have built upon. Men can wear any colour they want to. I think the society has to accept it,” she stated. “Because the world is moving on, so why not us? Why not Sri Lanka?” 

IS MAKEUP LIMITED TO WOMEN? 

Since anti-fans have pointed out the fact that BTS wore makeup, well, so do most international male artistes. This is another stereotype that can be widely observed, especially in Sri Lanka. The history of makeup goes a long way back. It began in Ancient Egypt when both men and women wore it daily.   

Stylist, Beautician and Managing Director of Naturals unisex salon Hasini Gunasekara described makeup as something that is used to cover up blemishes and other imperfections of the skin. It is also quite normal for artistes to wear makeup when appearing on stage, music videos and the screen.   

“Makeup is not something made for a particular gender, but something needed on stage. Makeup is used on both males and females. It is a kind of tool that people use to portray themselves with clear skin and for so many other reasons,” Hasini stated.   

“I don’t see any problem with it because right now, many people want to show perfection in appearances. Today you get permanent makeup, tattooing and many other artificial ways that people use to build their outlook. When you think about that, makeup is one of the basic things that can be used. If you look at other cultures, like the Arabian culture, you can see that men have worn liners to emphasize their eyes.”   

Hasini explained that after researching about Korean style, she had found that according to their culture, femininity is kind of an appreciated fact.   

“So even men try to give a very softer side to themselves to portray that,” she explained.   

“They have very soft silky hair, they use jewellery, and I think it’s very attractive and it’s building up attention from the youngsters who are looking for trends. You don’t see so much vibrancy in our music or film industries.   

Korea is also really big in the cosmetic industry. They are the largest cosmetic manufacturers in the world, so makeup has become a craze. So you see, it’s not only one industry that’s improving. It’s multiple industries improving because of k-pop”.   

TRUTH UNTOLD

Renowned Psychologist Rasini Bandara believes that toxic masculinity is a result of the patriarchal mindset where men are superior to women. “Although the present society is evolving with ideas of feminism and gender equality, our society is very primitive and still clinging on to that stereotypical image of a man. In such a mindset, men are superior to women.”   

Bandara pointed out that, women wearing a full suit was accepted, even normalized while a man dressing up even in a remotely feminine manner was heavily criticized in the society. A man choosing to appear in a manner that society deems as the feminine is alien to society.   

“That’s why terms like ‘drag queen’ and ‘cross-dressing’ exist. You will find that those terms are never used in the context of women wearing pants,” Bandara observed.   

“For women it’s alright, they are striving to reach superiority. But when men display a fashion sense which society deems as feminine, it’s seen as demeaning. They are seen as less of a man.”   The association with femininity is a source of shame for some men as if it threatens their masculinity. After all, in the words of Madonna, “for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, because you think being a girl is degrading.”

Bandara claimed it was devastating how even women play a major role in enforcing these ideologies. “Instead of embracing such display of femininity by men, they criticize men for such behaviour. In doing so, they are looking down upon themselves too,” she explained.