To share or not to share? The Millennial Mom Question

By limiting the social media audience via privacy settings, your social media presence can be made a safe experience through curation

It is every parent’s goal to provide a child with a safe and nurturing environment to grow in, with an added layer of vigilance in this digital age.  

With recent events unfolding in the heart of Colombo, a conversation was built on children being as ‘human shields’ along with a discussion on the disproportionate response from the Sri Lanka Police.  
Despite the daily struggles parents go through, it is evident that children’s faces are being exposed explicitly on several demonstrations which include public events, protests and especially social media.   

 ‘Sharenting’ is a recently coined term by Steven Leckart in 2010, to describe some of the content we see online nowadays. ‘Sharenting’ is the practice of millennial parents oversharing a multitude of information in all forms—text, video and photos of their children on their social media platforms. This sharenting carried out by the parents without the explicit consent of their children can be viewed as a harmless act by many, but there are always two sides to every story.   

Mostly sharenting on social media can be a method of staying in touch with one’s family and friends as a support system and an opportunity of gaining an additional income on social media via brand endorsements on platforms such as Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. For certain parents who do not see their families and friends often it can be a great method of sharing life updates as well.   

New moms and social media

Jinaly Stephen, a mother of two (8 years and 5 years) said “I created my Instagram profile after I became a mom, which played a vital part in my life at the moment. My friends quite enjoyed the content I post of my sons back then and they all encouraged me to post updates of the growth of my kids more. People recognized me for the content I post on my children, because my kids are very mischievous,” said Jinaly, a very young mom who manages her time between her corporate life and her kids. 

 
She generally posts humorous conversations she has with her kids as well as their daily activities. “For me, it could be encouraging as someone can always recognize my kids for their talents,” she said as she shared the story of her two sons’ rendition of “We will rock you” the popular song by Queen.  
“But I do not encourage using kids to gain popularity as a marketing tool. We have to be mindful of what we post of our kids as it can escalate really fast on the internet. When I share content, I do it with a positive attitude. After all, it is all a part of motherhood.”

She believes that social media can be a powerful platform for your kids to be recognized for their various talents, which can create numerous opportunities as long as the parents consider the privacy and security concerns before they hit ‘share’.  
“I found many fellow mothers through mutual friends on Instagram who have the same concerns, such as being night owls to put our kids to sleep while managing the households” Jinaly spoke fondly of the connections she made in the digital space that share the same sentiments and struggles in motherhood.   

 Sachitra Gunawardane, a mother of a 10 year old shared a slightly different opinion, “I do not believe you should post everything of the child daily on social media. I fear that when they grow older, they might not like it when they are old enough to have an opinion. Once you post something on the internet, it is permanent and I do not want too much attention on my son. I certainly do not want strangers to know where he lives and be updated on his daily activities, in detail!”  

“This is why my social media accounts are very restricted. But I do not overshare or promote any products using my son.” She shared her concerns on how a child’s digital footprint begins as soon as the parents post a picture of their new born -- captioning it with the full name and the date of birth, which is a well-intentioned act. However, identity fraud, abductions and digital kidnapping of children’s photographs to be used on websites that promote pedophilia and child pornography are some of the most common crimes against children.  

Motherhood - a journey as unique as your children 

Every mother has a unique, extraordinary story of motherhood. The preferences of bringing their children up can be different through the eyes of each mother.   
Some also find that the ‘momfluencer’ comparisons can also be rather overwhelming and make you feel less competent as a mom.   

 A mother of two daughters (seven years and four years) Ashika Cooray said, “The social media practices of mothers can be each to their own.With the limited time I have, I am unable to maintain an active profile on a daily basis. I usually worry too much as I do not want my daughters to be too exposed. But it is really the personal preference of the mother, as long as you are cautious of the details such as your child’s school name, home address etc. As mothers we have to limit ourselves in what we post as we cannot predict the preferences of kids when they grow older”.   

In this day and age, where cancel culture takes precedence, many teens fall victim to cyber bullying. More often than not, embarrassing videos and pictures of a child posted by parents can contribute to bullying, especially within the school environment.   
Most parents agree that posting of explicit naked or semi-naked pictures of children, along with personal information such as name and age can be avoided to deter any child predators. By limiting the social media audience via privacy settings, your social media presence can be made a safe experience through curation.   

Dr. Devni De Silva who is a Medical Officer - Psychiatry at the University Hospital KDU elaborated, “This mainly depends on the age of the child. If the child is five or younger, they are unable to understand their surroundings and provide any consent.There is a possibility that they can grow up into very different personalities, who actually value their privacy. The interactions such as comments for their pictures online can be positive or negative. Negative and hateful comments can directly affect the child on how they perceive themselves. This can be an added stress”-- Studies have also suggested how it can impact a child later in life as they will be very self-conscious with low self-esteem. Studies done by Stacey Steinberg in 2017 and Veronica Barassi in 2020 say the inability of children to control these online narratives can cause long-term consequences.   

Dr. De Silva added, “They can get withdrawn from society as a result, which can also lead to mild symptoms of depression. Nevertheless, very rarely this scenario can be a confidence booster for the kids on certain occasions, due to the recognition from social media users. But more than the benefits, there is a higher risk”  
Expression of a mother’s love for her children online is a very sentimental act. There is no right or wrong answers when it comes to being a parent. It is a never-ending journey of discovery between yourself and your children. But you can most certainly break the cycle before it is too late.