Belles, Bullies and Balls!

The dearth of any social interactions during the numerous lock-in, ups and downs, meant that we were all excited to be out and about experiencing ‘people time’ with our near and dear. These isolation blues were not exclusive to our beautiful country, but was a global phenomenon that had an effect on the world population, in general. So many events were postponed, weddings put on hold, and celebratory soirées in general, were pushed to ‘the least important’ on priority lists. Everyone needed to have their carefree moments and the eased restrictions opened us to fun and fabulousness.

Going out, meeting and greeting, also meant that for some, the pressure cooker was turned up on having to look the part, when playing the part! The ‘self appointed’ pillars and scions of the social map sometimes not only guide but border on bullying those around them into the notion that it is either ‘conformity’ or ‘banishment’, which to many who need the swirls and twirls, is a fate worse than anything imaginable! Some of these arbiters of good taste seem to be tasting from the punch bowl set out on the lawns of Downton Abbey, with their iron-clad archaic perimeters, and bygone narrow avenues of social navigation. The ‘bully brigade’ take full advantage of their usually unsteady ‘vantage’ and can make a lovely carefree gathering, into a ‘far from carefree’ time. Thriving on being the ringmasters of a frivolous circus gives them the posturing purpose they themselves need in order to exist.

These bullies, prey of choice? The belles who need the photo op, and the accolades, in order to feel relevant. What point is having friends and family celebrate with you, if you cannot ‘show it off’ literally, to everyone? Gone seem to be the days of quiet celebrations, with intimates surrounding us with love and laughter. Also a distant memory seems to be the times when being judged was not expected by one’s own hosts, or guests.

Next comes the stress for adornment of the right kind. Right? Says who? Says those who usually, and sadly, have no right to say anything. This sends the belles into overdrive with the inexplicable goal of simply driving each other to envy. From the coiffed head to the pedicured toes, nothing but perfection is acceptable! With some drawing from Dolly Parton’s mantra of “the higher the hair the closer to God”, the unenviable task is thrown upon the coiffeur to build up and out, for which am sure Freud would have had a few interesting reasons. Brandishing everything that is branded and sometimes disturbingly from ‘head-to-toe’, to accessorizing with jewels that would seem to rival the fabled treasury of the Achaemenid Empire, the belles pre-party-prep can be exhausting. The saying “everything that glitters is not gold (or diamonds!)” rings true because despite wanting to look like a double for the iconic former Empress Farah of Iran, most of these bodacious baubles are simply a cry of “please please look at me!” The Belles also have to swathe themselves in some ensemble that again has nothing to do with innate self and personality but simply a ‘name drop’ that ends up being a ‘shame drop’ in the style category. Synched, tied, knotted and zipped into the ‘the latest and greatest’ could lead to discomforts of a costly kind. All this self-inflicted torment for what? For acceptance by the bully brigade into their own ‘far from’ hallowed halls.

The right invitations and the Belles are in joyous rapture, followed by fearful foraging through the retail matrix in search of their next ‘big moment’ look. They cannot be seen in the same garb again, and worse still they cannot be thought to have the same look as another reveler. The idea that your ideas and thoughts have so little value, that You need to be the shiniest of the shiny set, seems quite vapid, and frankly boring. How about cultivating some genuine interests, genuine friends, and maybe genuine good taste? Well, one would first need to genuine to do that!

As the Belles move to the Balls, we enter a whole other comical alternate universe where the core of meeting and having a great time can be diluted by the Belle’s need to conform and perform, with the eye on the prize (of the next invite!). The flip side also has its pressures with the want for perfection in settings, decor, menu and all accouterments. The fear of festivities falling short of some inconsequential standard, the need to be ‘the most’ in every category, means that the fun of having people enjoy your hospitality and most importantly, enjoy your company, gets lost in translation. Snobbery can rear its ugly insecure head, where the silliest details, which would bring about laughter among a real group, can send both sides of the equation into a spiral or ‘what if’s’ along with the ‘could have, and should have’ syndrome.

As much as I am a ‘social hermit’, a choice I made years back, I count myself very blessed that any interaction I choose to have is truly ‘genuine.’ Doing the exhausting whirl of award shows, ‘out on the town’, and fabulous frivolities for years in my other life in Los Angeles, I now adore time well spent with the well intentioned. Those who do know me know that if and when we do venture out, it is truly because we want to, and that too with the small number of our own kindred tribe. It is absolutely wonderful to go out en-masse, to be in the pulsating midst of it all, and this also is to be enjoyed and cherished. The point of making these wonderful times as care free as possible, should rank high, and I would also think being stress free, would be of the utmost importance. Go out, stay in, do whatever you fancy doing, and remember that your own happiness and wellbeing are in your charge, so do not let anyone, for any reason, cloud your light, and dim your star!