Can Women Have It All?

• A society that cheers women on, and provides a safety net when they stumble, and recognizes their accomplishments, fosters an environment where women can thrive.

In the progressive landscape of 2023, women have broken free from the confines of traditional gender roles, embracing their multifaceted identities and challenging societal expectations. Inspirational stories of women shattering glass ceilings and achieving remarkable success abound globally, and Sri Lanka is no exception. However, amidst the progress, the question remains:

Can women truly have it all, even in 2023?

In today's progressive society, women are carving their own paths and challenging societal expectations. The modern woman is embracing her multifaceted identity, successfully juggling careers, family, friends, and focusing on personal growth. Across the globe, inspirational stories highlight women who have shattered glass ceilings and proven that having it all is indeed possible. In Sri Lanka too we often read stories pertaining to empowered women who have overcome all obstacles and smartly manoeuvred curve balls life has thrown at them to climb to the top and achieve unprecedented corporate and entrepreneurial success. The two best examples that pops into my mind is Kasturi Chellaraja, Group CEO, Hemas Holdings PLC, and Sandamini Perera, Deputy Chairperson, Prime Group, Sri Lanka. Two success stories that will undoubtedly continue to inspire young girls and women in Sri Lanka for decades to come.

In a country where females constitute fifty-two percent of the population, where one in every three households is headed by a woman, and where women play a pivotal role as the highest foreign income earners, it is disheartening to witness their underrepresentation in key political roles.

But can we as women, truly have it all, even in 2023? Successful entrepreneur but a failed marriage. Corporate power woman but unmarried. A Founder of a successful start-up married but no kids. An international athlete but divorced. A celebrity but single and not in a relationship. Are these still yardsticks to measure a woman’s personal success? I would like to think not. Women and young girls today know their worth and know what makes them tick. They no longer settle, instead they chose to navigate their personal and professional lives in a manner that suits them. I am slowly inching towards my forties, and not even close to signing my name on the dotted line, trapezing between Colombo and London, navigating a busy work schedule and an entertaining social life, the thought of finding ‘the one’ hasn’t even made its way to my weekly to-do-list. Does the absence of ‘the one’ make me incapable of sharing my thoughts on this topic? I would like to think not. But what does it truly mean to have it all?

The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented surge in discussions surrounding gender equality and women's empowerment. The #HeForShe and #MeToo movements have catalysed societal change, empowering women to demand recognition, respect, and equal opportunities. As societal norms evolve, the challenges women face in achieving balance and fulfilment across various domains of life continue to multiply. Balancing career aspirations with personal and family responsibilities has long been a tightrope walk for women. Society often expects women to juggle multiple roles effortlessly, while traditional gender roles perpetuate unequal distributions of labour. A mindset shift is essential to arm women with the tools required to have it all. Encouraging mothers to treat their sons and daughters equally, teaching sons’ life skills beyond the conventional, and dismantling toxic masculinity narratives are crucial steps toward progress. Women need to be more conscious of their actions and the generational repercussions that follow. They need to work collectively to end the utterly archaic narrative #BoysWillBeBoys. Teach them that real men don’t engage in physical or mental abuse and make it a point to frown upon narcissistic behaviour and not encourage or endorse it waving it off as a sign of masculinity. Breaking these generational curses is a necessity and no longer an option.

I was raised in a household where my brother was permitted to drive a car at eighteen, but I had to wait till I was well over twenty-three before being given permission by my mother to sit behind the wheel. I am a millennial and unless my generation, Gen Z and Gen Alpha collectively make a conscious effort to change parenting techniques with their own offspring we will continue this cycle, and hinder women’s opportunity to ‘have it all.’

• Behind every successful man stands a woman, but behind every successful woman stands her own unwavering spirit, propelling her forward and enabling her to overcome obstacles.
• If more women in the country are to ‘have it all,’ it is imperative we break down barriers and ensure that women’s voices are heard and valued in the halls of power.

Women have repeatedly demonstrated their resilience and ability to multitask. They bounce back from setbacks and gracefully handle multiple responsibilities. It is often society's expectation that pressures women to sacrifice personal goals for the sake of their partners' careers or prioritize domestic duties over their own aspirations. However, the strength and determination of women should not be underestimated. Behind every successful man stands a woman, but behind every successful woman stands her own unwavering spirit, propelling her forward and enabling her to overcome obstacles. While women can achieve greatness on their own, supportive networks and allies are invaluable in their journey to have it all. Every time I’ve been knocked down, I’ve been picked up and pushed up by my close girlfriends; women who are so secure that they see no need to tear another down, instead they take it upon themselves to propel the fallen onto a safe pedestal often more elevated than the steps they stumbled down from.  A society that cheers women on, and provides a safety net when they stumble, and recognizes their accomplishments, fosters an environment where women can thrive. It is essential to challenge and dismantle the notion that a woman's success should be secondary to that of a man. Gender equality and mutual respect should be the foundations upon which relationships and families are built.

In a post pandemic era, working from home, even two to three days a week is the norm, flexible work arrangements, technological advancements, and a shift towards a more inclusive corporate culture; the concept of work-life integration has gained traction. Women are now redefining success on their own terms, creating harmonious work-life blends that enable them to excel professionally while nurturing their personal lives. For centuries women have proven their ability to multitask, successfully juggling numerous roles in their lives and learning to swim with the tide and not drown. In 2023, women are actively engaging in entrepreneurship, breaking into male-dominated industries, and launching their own ventures. With initiatives promoting female leadership and business acumen, women are increasingly stepping into the entrepreneurial realm, capitalizing on their unique perspectives, and driving innovation. The first name that springs to mind when speaking about innovative female entrepreneurs is Otara Gunewardene, who launched the country’s first department store, Odel, and holds the distinction of being the first woman to take a company public in the country.

However, despite the progress made in various aspects of women's empowerment, in Sri Lanka, women's representation in political spheres remains significantly low, despite notable milestones such as having the world’s first female Prime Minister, Sirimavo Bandaranayake, and a female President, Chandrika Bandaranayake Kumaratunga. This stark reality raises questions about the effective inclusion and participation of women in decision-making processes that shape the entire nation. In a country where females constitute fifty-two percent of the population, where one in every three households is headed by a woman, and where women play a pivotal role as the highest foreign income earners, it is disheartening to witness their underrepresentation in key political roles. Traditionally, political spaces have been dominated by men, maintaining a stronghold on the primary house of decision-making and policy implementation. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that this status quo does not reflect the capabilities, potential, and contributions that women bring to the table.

In contrast, men in positions of power have often failed to effectively drive the nation forward, as evidenced by the recent economic crisis and questionable leadership choices. By excluding women from decision-making processes, valuable perspectives, experiences, and expertise are disregarded, leading to policies and initiatives that fail to address the needs and aspirations of all citizens. Men do not prioritize issues pertaining to women; hence it is imperative if we are to enable women to have it all, we also need to ensure equal representation in parliament. Only with women at the helm will we be able to propagate system change that will see a potential decline in gender-based violence, child abuse, period poverty, and other issues that primarily impact women and children. Speaking about gender-based violence, it’s important to note that even in 2023, according to published reports a woman is raped every ninety minutes in Sri Lanka, and every year around six thousand women are raped in the island. Marital rape is legal in the country and as per a report published by UNFPA, male intimate partners are the biggest killers of women in Sri Lanka, and sixty-two percent of all homicides of Sri Lankan woman are committed by their intimate partner, ex-partner, or a family member. Furthermore, over fifty percent of murders of Sri Lankan women are committed by their husbands, and approximately only five percent of murders concerning women were ever concluded in court between 2013-2017. Domestic violence and sexual harassment continue to impact the lives of many women, leading to physical, emotional, and psychological trauma. To address these challenges and further empower women, concerted efforts are needed. This includes implementing comprehensive legislation to protect women's rights, promoting gender-sensitive policies, strengthening support systems for victims of gender-based violence, and enhancing access to healthcare and economic opportunities. One must applaud the continuous efforts of iconic women like Savithri Wijesekera, Chairperson, Women in Need, Sri Lanka who work tirelessly to provide legal aid and a haven for victims of gender-based violence. If more women in the country are to ‘have it all,’ it is imperative we break down barriers and ensure that women's voices are heard and valued in the halls of power.

Economic empowerment is another crucial aspect of women's reality in Sri Lanka. While women have increasingly entered the workforce, gender disparities persist in terms of pay gaps, limited career advancement opportunities, and unequal access to resources and credit. Addressing these disparities is essential for fostering women's economic independence and ensuring equal opportunities for all. In the pursuit of ‘having it all,’ the significance of supportive networks and role models cannot be overstated. Mentorship programs, professional networks, and peer support provide women with the guidance, encouragement, and inspiration needed to navigate complex challenges. In Sri Lanka, Women in Management, led by                  Dr. Sulochana Segera, is an organization that stands out. Driven by a commitment to empower women and young girls throughout the country, Dr. Segera has dedicated her life to making a difference. Through various initiatives, she has worked tirelessly to advance the status of women in society. One of her notable accomplishments is the successful management of the annual Top50 Professional and Career Women's Awards. This prestigious event recognizes and honours women who have made remarkable contributions in the workplace, society, and economy. By providing a platform for these women to be acknowledged, applauded, and appreciated, Dr. Segera promotes their achievements and encourages others to follow in their footsteps. Through her leadership and dedication, Dr. Sulochana Segera and Women in Management are catalysts for change in Sri Lanka; their initiatives not only empower women and young girls but also contribute to a more inclusive and equitable society. It is imperative that we continue to highlight successful women from diverse backgrounds and share their stories, by doing so we create a tapestry of role models that empower and motivates the next generation of trailblazers.

As I contemplate the concept of whether women can truly have it all in 2023, I think it’s essential to redefine and expand my understanding of what ‘having it all’ truly means. For me, having it all; encompasses various aspects that contribute to a fulfilling and balanced life. First and foremost, it involves nurturing a sound mind, body, and soul. It means healing from past trauma, and not allowing any of it to define who I am or hinder my progress on the journey of self-discovery; taking care of my mental and physical well-being is crucial to achieving overall happiness and contentment. In addition, to me, ‘having it all’ entails pursuing a career that I am passionate about. Waking up each day with a smile on my face and gratitude for the blessings in my life is another vital component. Having it all, involves finding fulfilment in the work I do and striving for professional growth and success. Moreover, spirituality plays a significant role in ‘having it all’ for me. Cultivating a meaningful relationship with God, a higher power, provides guidance, solace, and a sense of purpose. Financial independence is another important aspect; being able to support myself financially, make informed decisions about my finances, and having the freedom to pursue my goals is empowering. Achieving a healthy work-life balance is also key to ‘having it all.’ Balancing professional responsibilities with personal life, including quality family time and personal self-care, contributes towards my overall well-being and happiness. Furthermore, ‘having it all’ also involves surrounding myself with likeminded, intelligent friends with whom I can share endless conversations and meaningful connections, with no sense of envy or competition. Just wholesome relationships where mutual love and respect are key ingredients. It also entails cultivating an intimate circle of close girlfriends who inspire, guide, advise, and encourage me in pursuing my goals.

I, at times, wonder if the idea of achieving perfect balance in all aspects of life can be misleading and unrealistic. The pursuit of ‘having it all’ often creates undue pressure and unrealistic expectations for women. It is crucial to acknowledge that priorities shift, and different life stages demand varying degrees of attention. Instead of striving for an elusive balance, perhaps we should focus on setting priorities, making conscious choices, and finding harmony amid competing demands. Rather than conforming to society's predefined notions of success, we should perhaps define success on our own terms. It is a deeply personal and subjective concept that varies for each individual. Perhaps as women we need to identify our values, aspirations, and goals and align them with our choices and actions. By setting our own standards of success, we can find fulfilment and satisfaction in our personal achievements, regardless of external expectations.

In conclusion, the narrative surrounding women's pursuit of having it all has evolved significantly. As noted above, women are breaking barriers, redefining success, and transforming societal norms. While challenges persist, progress is undeniable. By empowering women through education, promoting work-life integration, enhancing political representation, and addressing systemic barriers, we pave the way for a future where women can truly have it all. It is a collective responsibility to continue championing gender equality and creating a world where every woman's potential knows no bounds. The quest to have it all is not an easy one, but with continued progress, support, and a collective effort to redefine success, women can undoubtedly forge their own paths and embrace the fulfilment they deserve. The strength of a woman knows no bounds, and in 2023, we are continuing to rise, breaking barriers, and proving that #SheCan indeed have it all.

OPINIONS

” Angeline Ondaatje,

Chairperson / Managing Director, Tangerine Beach and Royal Palms Beach Hotel and Tangerine Tours, Sri Lanka.

“In a non-binary world, the answer is absolutely! Even when the gender roles are more defined, women can have it all by choosing to allocate the right ratio of time for what’s important to them and their loved ones,

” Tania Polonnowita Wettimuny,

Entrepreneur / Group Managing Director, IAS Holdings (PVT) Ltd.

“I think a woman can never have it all. Anyone who says they have it all is not being authentic. Prioritization and a support structure are key to having somewhat of a balance with all aspects of a woman’s life. It has and always will be a balancing-act between career, motherhood, family, love, etc. The important thing is to prioritize what is important at a particular moment in time and channel your energy into that area. Once that is achieved then you can move on to the next. It is important to prioritize and find a balance that works for you personally. As you move on in life, purpose and priority will change and that’s all a natural part of life and progression,

Sonia Dandona-Hirdaramani 

Investor

“Can women have it all? A career, family, social life, financial independence and more? As Madeleine Albright once famously said, “I do think women can have it all, but not all at the same time.” This description resonates with me when I reflect on my life thus far. That said, every woman’s journey is unique and every woman’s perception of her own journey is also unique, as is others’ perception of it. Who is to say the women we consider to ‘have it all’ actually do? For that matter, which person truly ‘has it all?’When I think about it, there are no limits to chasing career advancements, enjoying friendships or spending quality time with family. The truth is, if with gratitude, we choose to be satisfied with the amount of time we can spend on the various areas of our life, trying our personal best with our own respective bandwidths, then we can have it all!”

Samantha De Silva

World Bank

“In developing countries or in countries where there are strong social networks it has always been easier for women to ‘have it all.’ Grandparents, parents, domestic help, etc. all contribute to supporting women. In many countries it has also been easier for wealthy women to ‘have it all.’ If we in Sri Lanka want a healthy economy however, the government needs to ask why women’s labor force participation has never exceeded thirty-five percent in decades. Until that question is asked and addressed, women have very clearly voted with their feet, to not even try to ‘have it all,’