Keeping Up With The Krass-Asians

Wealth is visible these days. Luxurious cars, over the top functions, garish jewellery, designer clothes, multiple properties here and in several countries; these are trappings that are mostly unnecessary but seem to be the sort after necessities of keeping up with the jet set. When the (now defunct) upper rung of society referred to the ‘nouveau riche’ they unknowing hit the nail on the head. The Lady Grantham’s of yesteryear were never afraid of mingling with anyone outside their inner circle, however, their use of the occasional scathing remark was a mechanism that was used to suppress those who tried desperately to impress so as to belong. Impressing is the name of the game resulting in an abundance of vulgarity. This is especially evident among people we know, which is why I find it quite depressing.

Why does one need to own ten Rolex wrist watches, when you can only wear one at a time? What is the use of having a swimming pool in your house when you can’t swim and don’t have the time to learn to do so either? Why bother wearing designer clothes when you end up looking like a water buffalo in high heels in whatever you wear! Why do you persist on talking about flying first class, when you and I were perfectly comfortable hanging on to the foot board of a CTB bus when we used to return home from school? What changed? You may have made a buck or two more than me, but that does not mean that I have to put up with listening to your drivel. I still remain, yours sincerely - unimpressed.

No one begrudges great achievements. Everyone applauds success. Some have achieved much more than others, and so be it, but no one has the right to belittle anyone for not being able to keep up, and not wanting to either.

There are people who collect cars for pleasure, others collect jewellery, some seek gratification in refurbishing old houses and maintaining them, there are art collectors, antique collectors, stamp collectors and butterfly collectors and there are those who love to dress well. No one mentioned here is doing anything wrong or unethical. They have found a source of pleasure which they are spending their legitimate earnings on. Being informative and knowledgeable about their specific interest are the mark of a genuine collector. Stealthily creeping up among these are a set of people who do all of this with no conviction, justified only by the fact that they have arrived in pound land.

Here are some clues to spotting the fakes. They buy paintings just so that they match their walls and talk about their “art” collection. Some join a golf club just to mingle with the movers and shakers, even though they have never swung a golf club in their entire lives. Then, there are the ladies who wear fascinators with sari and go to the seasonal races in Nuwara Eliya, just to be seen! These races at which a few emaciated delft ponies are flogged to death while they scamper through vegetable allotments are a joke; My Fair Lady it ain’t! A few have the guts to promote themselves and sing at internationally acclaimed concert halls even though they are blessed with a voice like Cacophonic, simply because they have the funds at their disposal. Some are brash enough to arrive by helicopter for a wedding reception and land in the lawn of the hotel upstaging the bride and the groom on their special day, is it just for show or has every single one of your many cars broken down? Why buy a handbag which is the size of a small coffin and place it in the middle of the table so that you have to peer around it to chat to your friends? Is it to advertise the fact that its Prada? Or is it to boast that you managed to get it paid for by a retired politician who has one foot in the grave and is breathing his last?

Remember the lyrics of “If I Were A Rich Man” from Fiddler on the Roof?

“I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,

Right in the middle of the town.

There would be one long staircase just going up,

And one even longer coming down,

And one more leading nowhere, just for show!”

And it’s the “just for show” types that I am focussing on here. It is no longer a case of “IF I AM” its “I AM A RICH MAN” displays that will soon bring this island to its knees.

And who in their right minds has “destination weddings?” Isn’t Sri Lanka beautiful enough? Don’t you think it’s a slap in the face to all the fantastic hotels we have in our island? The invitees who travel at great expense to attend these functions are equally to blame for wasting their money just to pander to this nonsense. Shouldn’t we be proud of the proliferation of fantastic Sri Lankan architects that we can boast of? Yet, we have those who think its below them to go to one of them to design their abodes and give out contracts to foreign architects! Why? Isn’t it just to make a statement that you are better than some of us? A band of gold worn to signify that you are married remains a band of gold regardless of whether you got it made by a jeweller in Sea Street, Lalitha Jewellery Mart or at Chanel. It’s when the wearer announces that she went to Chanel to buy it that it smacks of vulgarity.

Between the genuine and fakes are the opportunists. Chiefly, among these are the boutique owners who pander to feckless rich who wants to furnish their many houses with imitations from Le Bon Marche, Paris! The hairdressers who charge a month’s salary and make you look like as if you have been dragged through a privet hedge backwards! The artist who talks up his / her painting by explaining that it’s a journey into the inner regions of the soul, when it’s just a big red blob painted in the middle of a canvas. The dress designers who charge a small fortune and create a jacket which looks like a bra (Psssst… it is in fact just that - a bra!) Florists who fast forward climate change by a decade or two by creating jungles of orchids and roses as décor, and charge enough to feed several families for a generation. These opportunists have a knack of shaming people into seeking their services. The wannabe’s always end up trapped in this vicious circle as they have no confidence to be honest to themselves.

Cashing in on this crassness are those savvy Indian Designers who prey on the Colombo wives in their desperation to out-do everyone else. Little do they realise that the design of their Satya Paul sari looks as if their husband has just vomited the mango trifle, he swallowed a few minutes ago, all over your nylon! These days your vision is likely to be assaulted by a woman in salwar kameez made up of remnants of Manipuri sari’s stitched together, (probably by exploited women and orphans in some Indian shanty town) the price of which could buy five Trishaws!! These mind numbingly hideous outfits are meant to be creations by Sabyasachi. When I first encountered one of these creations, I was convinced that the wearer had picked it up at a fundraising jumble sale at a refugee camp. I don’t mind if it costs the same as a jumbo jet, but it’s the fact that the warthog wearing this atrocity keeps taking about how much she paid for it and who made it for her that gets my goat! And if it doesn’t drive you mad the same way it does me; I don’t know what will!

The classic dignity that was displayed by those who had great wealth which was honourably acquired has now been replaced by a garish vulgarity of some who make money extremely fast or by illicit means. The time when intellect, talent, achievement and creativeness were valued and encouraged has been replace by those who think they are superior because they dress better, have more to display in terms of what they eat, whom they hobnob with, where they shop at and are famous for 24 hours on Tik Tok! All this is rather like fiddling while the nation burns. There are those who are capitalising at time of crisis by selling essential goods at five times the cost they originally bought it on wholesale. The powers that be turn a blind eye to such blatant robbery as it is such deviants that put them on their pedestals. Making money at the expense of people’s lives seems to be the norm. Corruption rules and no one, except a courageous few, challenge this untrammelled power. We need to ask why. The reason seems to be that every single businessman HAS to line the pockets of every single political party in the run up to any election just so that special favours come their way when any one of those candidates come into power.

If this mutual back scratching continues, we will end up with a society so polarised that you lot won’t even notice that this country is being sold from under your feet, while you have been looking after yourselves and own self-interests! It is truly shameful. We can live in hope that some of these people have the time to glance at the mirrors of history and reflect on what happened to Marie Antoinette, the Ceausescu’s, Idi Amin, Gaddafi and the Marcos’s.

Only time will tell.