Whooping Wannabe Weddings

Marriage was a sacred union, no matter what the faith, that was not only symbolic but also a heartfelt commitment to a life of love, trust and respect. These marriages were celebrated with family and friends who genuinely cared for the couple’s wellbeing, and wholeheartedly wished them the very best. Of course these were weddings where reality, trumped make-believe and everyone was with their feet on ‘terra firma.’ How we long to see more of these unions, especially now when everything seems to be ‘costumed and curated’ purely to highlight ostentatious over spending, and disturbingly distorted realities. 

Remember the days when the bride and groom had a ceremony based on their faiths and a reception for friends and family steeped in festivities and fun? Those days, expect for a few sensible people, seem to have faded into distant memory. Now we have weddings where they have multiple events with many faiths and even more costume changes, just to get more bang for they’re recently found bucks! We have pseudo conservative Poruwa ceremonies where the bride and groom attempt to look demure, evolving into full on Indian extravaganzas where the couple suddenly become extras from a Bollywood film, then that goes on into a church ceremony where the duo attempts at channeling some distant Eurasian lineage, all the while confusing the guests, who don’t know what the two families truly believe in! Well usually they worship the good old Gods of cash above everything else, but these religious escapades are purely to ensure that the couple can wear every possible ‘flashy’ look,’ and also give the flashy guests reason to visit their tailors and sequin merchants! 

The themes are as disturbing as the need to show off one’s new found gains, with guests getting detailed instructions on what to wear, the color schemes and also the ‘look.’ I mean how low must the hosts expectations be in their guests’ ability to dress, that they have to give such stringent instructions? With events being given theme names the travesty just snowballs, much to our entertainment. So as we see couples embody the entire gamut of religions, dressed in full on costume, how real are the emotions that go into these performances? Therapists would have a field day if they sat down with the duo and peeled back the layers of gunk that made them agree to such circuses! 

We in beautiful Sri Lanka have always had strong links to our northern neighbor. From language through to clothing and cuisine, we have many wonderful ties. There is nothing wrong with drawing inspiration, but when one decides to take on a whole new race just to have a party? That borders on new levels of delusions! We have weddings where they pick and choose, perhaps with a blindfold on and a map before them, from different Indian states and regions and than decide to frighten this town with a full on interpretation of some badly made Indian soap opera. They draw from all corners of the Indian subcontinent, to celebrate their weddings with little thought for authenticity, and genuine connections. It is lovely though to be able to laugh as we see Bollywood blend into Kollywood, into Sinhala dramas and merge into BBC historical documentaries, all in the marriage of the same two people! 

The sky high cakes and the mind boggling cuisine turns out to be a dream for the hotel banquet office, as they get to charge the maximum and offer the most expensive, knowing that neither family have any semblance of genuine good taste and thus are impressed with the ability to over-pay! The fact that the hosts and their guests cannot pronounce half of what is on offer, and the food selections are as mixed up as the religious ceremonies, the ability to show-off seems to be the only factor of any importance. The dancing provides a whole other area of horror with choreographed fiascos of awkward bridesmaids and groomsman being bullied into looking like extras from the ‘Phantom of the Opera’ as they sway and swivel around the dance floor. Add to this a full on ethnic escapade and we see Lankan, Indian, western fusion/confusion at its best! 

The couple’s dance is usually also a choreographed mess with them channeling their worst dramatic avatars as they serenade, mime, and lip-sync out of sync just to make a show. The Father/Daughter dance is choreographed as well, with bad acting for all to see, and the Mother/Son, Aunt/Nephew, Niece, neighbor, tuition teacher, couple’s counselor, future ex-wife/husband dances etc. also get their moment on the dance floor, highlighting themselves with equally frightening fervor! Why not have a separate concert where these stage types can just put on a show and show off? Would be much more sensible as guests wouldn’t be forced to feign enthusiasm while watching these never-ending theatrics! 

There were the times when wedding receptions were held in homes, and were quite the intimate celebration, and hotels were basically for those who didn’t have homes and gardens large enough. Of course with most people today in our beautiful country having limited space the lovely ballrooms offer the perfect venue for these celebrations. This has also evolved with wanting to invite one’s entire address book to the wedding, just to ensure that the maximum exposure is given with a bright spotlight shone on the amount of money that is being spent. I recently saw a lovely wedding held in the ancestral home of the beautiful bride in Cinnamon Gardens where the historical mansion steeped in generational grandeur provided the perfect backdrop for the gorgeous, elegant and understated bride. What that wedding reiterated was that when one comes from solid ‘true blue’ lineage, one does not need to prove anything! 

As the entire bridal party go into rapturous throws of hysteria as the couple prepare to ‘leave’ the wedding, through all the howling and weeping of relatives, bad actors and actresses, the couple leave, usually in some contraption that is positively embarrassing. Gone are the days of getting into a wedding car. Now it’s trying to find to most absurd and ridiculous exit strategy possible. From carts to bikes to tractors and trailers the ‘departure’ apparatus is usually a comedy unto itself. Why not a saddled Llama, a Yak or a Kayak! What’s next? Perhaps a broom for two borrowed from ‘Harry Potter’ or a fiery Phoenix from ‘X-Men’, or maybe a Dinosaur from ‘Jurassic world’. The options for the ridiculous seem limitless! Does anyone remember Prince William and Princess Catherine leaving in Prince Charles’ vintage Aston Martin? How low key was that. Oh but they are ‘real royalty’, with nothing to prove. 

Celebrations of love have always been special and this is a common thread connecting the world through different times and places. As we go through global ‘difficult times’ weddings should celebrate the couple, the union of families, beliefs in their faiths and the hope for a brighter tomorrow. We all know that living in authenticity also means that it’s not what one shows the world that counts but what one feels, embodies and shares in one’s most intimate and private moments. Revel in love, surround oneself with happiness, and most of all celebrate wonderful unions simply. Life has no guarantees and the union of two beings should be a wonderful beacon of hope and light for all to see. Let’s make an effort to remember that the ‘heart’, the proverbial source of all this, is deep inside, and that whatever we do should be a reflection of this, along with the times we live in.